Personal Reflections from Many Writers Annual workshop 2015

Cocoon Exercise (Being Boxed Up)

Hebrews 4:12 ‘The word of God is something alive and active: it cuts more incisively than any two-edged sword: it can seek out the place where soul is divided from spirit, or joints from marrow; it can pass judgement on secret emotions and thoughts.’

At this moment in life, I feel like there is a lot that holds me back from being free again in my life. Perhaps this is a new “cocoon stage” of life, where the Lord is helping me to find deeper meaning and purpose in my walk with Him.

I feel stuck with not being able to do just what I want to do, sometimes I blame it on others, but ultimately it was my own choices and decisions that led me to be in another cocoon stage. The Lord is clarifying my motivations and intentions on the various alternatives in life that I face, yet in the midst of it all, I see the beauty of the different movements of thoughts and feelings. Worries and concerns from the past and about the future from this shell, as from within I feel a lot of changes taking place. Similar events occur again and again, yet the signs point towards a direction sometimes this way at other times less certainty, yet there is an assurance to leave it all in the hands of the Lord, for He the Lord is always here for me. 

I would like to be free again so that I can serve and love the Lord and the people with greater love and joy. Sometimes this going back and forth, not yet getting to point A and not having anything else at point B makes life get a little complicated. But it is also a sign of not yet having the time to make the concrete definitive choice and decision. Decisions from good discernment take time and prayer. It takes wisdom and fear of God to walk in His love, trusting that the Lord is in control, when we are out of control. The best is to surrender to the Lordship of Christ. The thing that makes me remember that I can hope in the Lord is this, what He says in John 10:11 ‘I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep.’

Being part of His flock, I know that I can trust Him for we know from Romans 8:31 ‘After saying this, what can we add? If God is for us, who can be against us.’ God will always love us, for nothing we do can make Him love us more. We need the Lord. I depend on Him for life and to have security of mind and heart, for it is not in what I have or what others think that can ever give me peace, but it is in the love of God made known and visible in Jesus Christ that gives me security in the midst of the storms of life.

Why is it that there are different phases in life? Well we need to grow and mature. There can be stages of deepening(s) in the journey of the human soul; there can be more than one “cocoon stage”. Life is such that we need not live in fear, yet  for us who are perfectionists in a society that rewards only the end results, we can be affected by how we think others perceive ourselves. Due to our frailties, we may succumb to fear and not trust fully in the love and grace of God.

Life balance Inventory

Psalm 138(139):1-2 ‘Yahweh, you examine me and know me, you know when I sit, when I rise, you understand my thoughts from afar.’ Lord, at this point of life, I find myself searching for what will give you the greatest glory and allow me to live in the truth and be fully alive. At this moment of the journey, I find myself revisiting areas in the past and also encountering similar events, situations, problems and issues. Yet I know I can trust in You Lord, because You tell us in Jeremiah 29:11 ‘Yes, I know what plans I have in mind for you, Yahweh declares, plans for peace, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’ 

Lord, I want to get there but I have fears, doubts and distractions, so I will wait upon You and remain with You. For You reveal to us that You love us and want each person to live life to the fullest. The difficulty is always in waiting, yet we can see from Ecclesiastes 3:1 ‘There is a season for everything, a time for every occupation under heaven’ The lifestyle of most of us in this day and age is much like any other filled with activities, but in this present age it is more noisy, it takes a lot of effort to hear the gentle promptings of the Holy Spirit. For to be guided by the Holy Spirit is to live as Jesus Christ desires, which is to do Your Holy Will, O Father.

Lord, it is to increase my trust that I place in You and Your Son Jesus Christ, and to surrender to the Lordship of Your Son Jesus Christ by letting the Holy Spirit into areas of my life that I would like to avoid or ignore; this is the way to find meaning and purpose in Your Son Jesus Christ. It is to follow You, it is to seek You the way You tell us in Micah 6:8 ‘You have already been told of what is right and what Yahweh wants of you. Only this, to do what is right, to love loyalty and to walk humbly with your God.’ 

It is also about trusting You more by letting go of my burdens and anxieties as it is said in 1 Peter 5:7 ‘unload all your burden on to him, since he is concerned about you.’

What do I really want?

This is a deep question that I have been searching for from young, it is sometimes the most difficult question to answer. The fact is I constantly face many available choices and options in life but the main thing I desire is perfection in Christ Jesus, to be that young man that God has designed me to be. I find it difficult to answer this question immediately because it often brings more questions than answers, for it is the journey of the heart, mind and soul. I know what I do not want though, but this is only the other side of the coin, so, to know what I really want will take a lot of time and waiting upon the Lord. There are good days and bad days, signs and thoughts that can go this way or the other, but ultimately it is a journey.

A journey with the Lord, a journey to love God and others as Jesus Christ loves. Many are the thoughts and desires of the human heart and mind, yet the peace is only when one discovers the will of God, through the process of discernment, which involves a lot of prayer and reflection as one continues to learn and grow through the experiences and events of life which would include making right choices and mistakes. To know what I really want is to wait upon the Lord.

The Lord assures us often that He is with us, for He loves us and cares for us, so we need not feel overwhelmed by choices and noises. At times I would recall when I feel tired and want to give up that the Lord tells us in Matthew 10:39 ‘Anyone who finds his life will lose it; anyone who loses his life for my sake will find it.’  I find that gradually I am beginning to let go and let God be in control as I take confidence in the Lord, as we know in Philippians 4:13 ‘There is nothing I cannot do in the One who strengthens me.’ And I find assurance in Psalm 22(23):1 ‘Yahweh is my shepherd, I lack nothing.’ 

The Journey is an adventure, so there are moments of action and moments of contemplation, moments of music and moments of silence.

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