as i walked down from the RCIA session, i was feeling out of the blue, my hp battery drained and i have nothing to play on.
I see the bus, coming to toa payoh and i feel oh ya i have to wait another 5 minutes before my last destination, home!
I see the old lady, and smiled to her, gave away my seat to her… and she started to look at me, and she kept looking at me a few times and i looked at her in the end and finally..
i smiled to her, i said hi auntie.. how are you? she started to tell me her job, and other things, within 3 minutes she started to open her plastic bags and gave me her cheese cake ( one slice of nice cheese cake ), and she told me about her daughter who does not allow her to put any food in the fridge, and she always gets cakes from her job, and her manager gives her cakes because her manager likes her, she works very hard. I was impressed with her, she was probably about my mom’s age, but she’s very strong… though her surrounding is not supportive.
good point! i feel grateful, not because of the cheesecake, but because I met someone who can talk to me, someone who really can share within that short period of time…
Grateful that i could learn from her, in her tough world, despite of grumbling of having a difficult time with her daughter, she keep doing her best, and deals with the difficult things in her life in a good manner.
as i continue to think, reflect and ponder on my job, my job is never easy really, it is just a job, and if i don’t do my best, how can i say, hey i did my best and i will have no regret if i should fail, at least i do my best, and i can’t change that!
yesterday, i feel really i need rest and be at peace do my short examen, what i am most grateful of, and what i feel less grateful about.. my mind travelled and when i woke up in the morning and when i was going to the bus.. i was rushing and i missed my bus.. but as i missed my bus i could meet my friend at the bus stop and i had wished i could meet him earlier…
yeah i feel grateful for that small thing, and i don’t let anything ruin my day and i just feel that… and i am fully aware when i eat my lunch i enjoy it slowly and with every bite, i chew it .. i swallow it.. yeah it is just awesome in the midst of things … going on.. i feel so grateful with every single bite of my foods
though, my job isn’t easy and i am in a kind of adjustment stage… my heart keeps screaming do not be afraid, rest in God.. trying my best too and i hope i could rest in His love..
I like being in control, but suddenly when things are out of control.. i kind of dislike it.. because i feel that the situation is not under control.. my friend used to remind me and make me aware.. when you like to be in control, you act as if you are God, and so you forget that He is there, waiting for you to ask Him or call him for help… walking down to my office corridor, my eyes look at the vending machine back then, then i connect that i treat God as if He is my vending machine.. GoSH how polite i am.. in my awareness and consciousness i use my novena/ rosary/ any prayer as coins that i put inside the vending machine and wishfully the drink comes out to be what i really want.
i think it is not a good thing, sometimes we don’t know what is good or bad to us… we just see what is displayed in the vending machine.. when we are in need of a drink..
after a short observation i really get in touch with my feelings.
Oh God, please help me to open my heart to your will.
May be i could not change things to what i want to be, thus I seek your help to strengthen me…
May be i could change things. . . I want to do your will. please grant me strength and courage to face the changes.
and God open my heart and my eyes to differentiate the difference.
and always be thankful for everyday of my life, bad and good, tears and joy… i surrender all to you.